What the real estate ads say and what they really mean…

QUIET & SECLUDED – half the block is empty
UPDATED KITCHEN – the water does not backup in the sink
MOTIVATED SELLER – has been on the market forever.
CONVENIENT – next to the highway
MOVE IN CONDITION – there is no front door.
COZY – rooms are 5ft by 5ft
OUTSTANDING – house painted in bright pink color
GOOD SECURITY – neighbour has a unfriendly Rottweiler
UNUSUAL FEATURE – property comes with an alligator
VALUE FOR MONEY – no roof and doors
WATERFRONT PROPERTY – water rises 10 feet into the house during the rainy season.
SOPHISTICATED CITY LIVING – next to a sex shop and noisy bar
IN SECLUDED NEIGHBOURHOOD – next to the jailhouse
BELOW MARKET PRICE – the house is haunted
SURROUNDED BY GREENERY – garden has not been maintained and weeds are now 6ft high…
GOOD INVESTMENT OPPORTUNITY – if another idiot comes along and pays you a higher price than what you will be paying..
HURRY AND DO NOT MISS THIS OPPORTUNITY – am broke and desperate for the commission.